It is truly amazing that you haven't given up on me and my ramblings
yet. Life has been throwing me many balls, some straight up, some
curves, but at times too many to juggle on my own. The thing that God
has been pressing upon my stubborn, hard-headed self it that He is the
one in control, not me. I can plan and think that is how it is all
going to work out for the day, week, or year and put the balls into
play. However, He has the final say in what really happens. The
changes and "interruptions" that really threw me for a loop when we
first brought A1 and A2 home don't seem to throw me quite so much
anymore. The exception to that is the day or week that I forget that
I'm not in control. So after realizing that I've been learning just as
much as my children since we've brought them home, just not the same
lessons in history, English and math, as well as having the last two to
three books studied for Sunday School be on contentment and God being in
control with a few bricks falling on my head and 2x4's knocking me
down; I might have finally learned this lesson.
In
January, while Andy and A1 were in Puerto Rico working the winter
nursery, I was able to get to my office. It had been buried for over a
year with things that I couldn't seem to get to, things I planned daily
to get to but didn't. There actually was one basket that had a bunch of
books that I needed to get listed to sell that had really sat there for
a whole year. The bills were being paid on time, the papers graded
almost on time, just the "extra" office work was being put on the back
burner. I can now see the floor, run the little heater on my feet and
have a "plan"-I use this word fairly loosely-in place for staying on top
of things.
It has taken a long, long while for me to
get there, but I think I've
reached the bottom-no pun intended and I can only turn up. After talking
this over with
God, I felt compelled to let my family know that I needed them and their
help. So Sunday's are blocked off. No more working for me; I'll still
cook and help with dishes, but nothing major. I get to do fun things
like relax, read for fun, take a nap, take a walk, watch a movie, play a
game, and blog. We'll see how it goes after the big admission that I
can't do it all-if I get the help. To their credit, usually if I asked
for something to be done it will get done. I just want them to look
around now and see it for themselves so I don't have to continue to keep
track of it in my head along with house budgets, Andy's business
accounts, my Zija business accounts, things for school to do/check/prep
for, who needs to be where/when, what papers need to get turned into
college at what time, what we are having for breakfast/lunch/supper,
where their things are at that they can't find. I know this has to
sound familiar-the long list running in your head. This time I've not
put a specific time of day on jobs that I'm responsible for,
except for teaching classes with the kids, I've just made a check list
of what I need to accomplish for the day and what I want to accomplish
for the day and what I hope to accomplish for the day to keep our house
running smoothly. When I let my family know that I needed their help, I
had let them know where this list would be so they could see what I
might need help with if they would
happen to get done early with school or home early from work, and wonder
why I don't have time in the evenings to sit with them and watch movies
on Netflix or play another game of Catan.
I'm
getting excited for the new things that are coming down my path as I
transition this year. A1 graduates in June and will leave for college
in the fall. A2 is driving with his permit and in two years-that will
go too fast-be graduating and leaving for college as well. Wee One-my
girlfriend's 1 year old daughter, that I watch 3 days a week, will fill
part of that transition. My new business with Zija, as a distributor,
is another part of moving down this path. My daily reminder that I'm
not in control happens before I even put my feet to the floor is "Lord,
you know what I have scheduled for the day, but I know that may not
match up with your plans. Help me remember that you are in control and
that you have my best interest at heart." Usually, this keeps the
stress levels down as I try to only pick up and juggle the balls that He
gives me for the day. There are still some curves, but when I remember
to start my day with just that little "Good Morning!" my glove is on
and I can catch it and make the play; with His help, guidance and with
those He has placed around me.
